One Week to Go

Well friends, I have one week until I leave for training, and then Cambodia shortly thereafter. I will be doing my best to update this blog as frequently as possible during my internship, so stay tuned!

Even though I’ve been preparing for this for months, with one week to go it’s just now hitting me how incredibly unprepared I actually am. I’m so unqualified–practically unable. A couple of days ago, after a Skype call with my internship team, this massive feeling of insufficiency hit me in the gut. What am I doing? What makes me think I can do this? Can I do this?

And it dawned on me that this is what I asked for. I asked God for the opportunity to practice radical dependence on Him. And boy, is that what I’ve got here. I just don’t think I ever fully grasped what that means, even though I thought I did. I thought I, of all people, knew what it meant to truly depend on God. I thought all I had to do was fly across the globe without fear, and then it’d seem simple from there. Well, cue the game show buzzer sound, because that is incorrect.

I signed up for more than a flight and a spiritual lift. This isn’t just for my resume, this is going to change my life and cut to the center of my very soul. I’m going to have no choice but to go in fighting from the start; fighting my own will, my own body, fighting for myself and laying it at the feet of those I’m going to serve. And that is what I wanted. That is what I asked for. But I’m only beginning to get a taste of what that really means.

I call myself a “wannabe type-A” person. I have the picture in my mind of how everything needs to go, how it should look, how organized it should be, and how it’s up to me to make it that way. Obviously, I can’t always execute my picture-perfect plans, and especially not on my own. And from time to time God rips up my pretty little pictures and makes something beautiful out of them. This time, I have the feeling its not just a few little pictures. He’s about to rock my world. I’m not certain of much at this point, but I know in one week a journey will begin–a journey at the end of which, I will never be the same.