Hello, WordPress world! For the past few years I have been blogging, chronicling and sharing some experiences of God’s work in my life, in order to bring a little encouragement and positive-ness to this shenanigan called the internet. I’ve moved platforms a couple of times, this time because WordPress is user-friendly and there are a lot less naked people than on tumblr. Anyway, on to what I wanted to blog today.
Ever since the 7th grade, my plan for my first summer after college was to work at a particular youth camp. Now that the time has approached, that isn’t how it’s worked out. I applied and interviewed for camp, but did not get the job as I had been counting on for so many years. I was totally at a loss, because working at camp had always been my plan. I’d never thought of it any other way because I felt so strongly about it. That portion of my life was always “taken care of,” and then all of a sudden, it was a black hole of nothingness. Of course, whenever stuff like that happens, people tell you not to worry because God has a plan and then give you all of the usual taglines and cliches that are supposed to make you feel better, even though we all know they don’t. Even so, I took it all as a little hint that God had different things in mind for my summer.
All 4 years of high school my summers were chock-full of various trips, service projects, and camps ALL over the place, often back-to-back. But, that’s the way I liked it. I definitely have an extremely serious case of wanderlust, and I will take an opportunity for international travel anywhere that I can find it. I like to take risks, and I crave the experiences that I can talk about for a lifetime and that will change my perspective. You can see why a summer at home wasn’t going to cut it.
Unfortunately, travel is expensive, and this reality became all the more prevalent as I continued my search. So, I lowered my standards and looked for internships. It made total sense to me that if God didn’t want me to work at camp, maybe he wanted me in a missions internship somewhere. Well, no luck there either, because turns out internships can be expensive as well, and ministry internships are often unpaid. And so, round 3! At this point God had gently steered me away from at least 3 or 4 internships, a few camp-type positions, and several different countries. I had been patient with the prospect for adventure, but my summer was beginning to look duller by the minute, and I was somewhat frustrated with God at this point. My one last hope at a summer away from home turned into a job for the next school year, which satisfied me long enough for me to lower my standards to searching for jobs in my hometown.
After filling out dozens of applications, facing promising opportunities that turned into rejection, and continually questioning what the heck the Lord needs from me for the next 3 months, I am still job-less. I’m still praying and pleading and really confused, quite frankly. I’m not angry at God, honestly. I’m mostly frustrated and really, really broken. Each job that I haven’t received or had to turn away has been a punch in the gut.
The reason I’m telling you all this is because it explains why the scripture that I’m about to refer to has suddenly become so powerful. Last night, I was reading the story of Lazarus. Most of us know what happens. (spoiler alert) Lazarus dies, Jesus cries, a little Holy Spirit-God-stuff and BOOM! A miracle. But something about the story stood out to me because of what’s been going on in my life, and also because God’ll do that to ya. When Lazarus has died, either Mary or Martha (can’t remember which), basically tells Jesus “Hey man, what’s your deal? If you had shown up earlier, none of this would be a problem!” and Jesus says to her “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” and soon enough He follows through. And it just hit me. “Did I not tell you?” He’s got this!
And you know what else? Even though Martha doubted, she still got to see the glory of God. Even though she got upset and questioned her circumstances, Jesus still came through. God’s not punishing me or being hard on me because I’ve done wrong. He’s coming through. Even though I’m over here screaming “If I’d just gotten that camp job in the first place!” God is still going to show His glory if I believe. I’m hanging in there.
Rev. Bekah Rhea, MDiv. 